if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
