I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
