why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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