I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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