I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
