I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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