Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
