Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
third nipple confirmed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
