I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
