He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
