a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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