Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
