we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
