Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
