I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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