just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
