btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
