well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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