I wanna bring you to show and tell
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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