Kiss
Puke
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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