I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
