Duck Duck Cougar?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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