i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
