I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
