If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
