If i could tip my vagina, i would.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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