hotel room ftw
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
