I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so let's talk penis.
Operation Purity has been aborted
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
