I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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