can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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