i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Drunk is not a location!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
