mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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