I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
