mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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