I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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