thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize