Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
