ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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