I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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