Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have demons in me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
