went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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