I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
