Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
