haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
