just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
