so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
