That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
