i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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