I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
