At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
