i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
