the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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