She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
