Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
