we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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