Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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