dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
well I can't set my house on fire every night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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