Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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