dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
