I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
