Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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