capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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