Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
