so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
