you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
