dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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