We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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