i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
