its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
