stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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