We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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