This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
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Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize