I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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