i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
