didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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