Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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